Back to the Tribe - California Reflections

January 05, 2013

11.28.2012 U.S.A.

Back to the Tribe – California Reflections

Land's End, San Francisco, CA

What a whirlwind of a month! After resting my wings and recouping some resources following the return from the Nepal, it was time to see my people in California – the only place that's ever felt like home in the U.S.

It is truly amazing how much has happened in the lives of my people since I left for the Journey in 2010. Three of my friends got married, three – had children...five – lost a parent, many sold homes and bought new ones...I couldn't help but wonder if this was somehow happening all along, or just these couple years were particularly eventful?

At first, I felt ghost-like, arriving to San Francisco. These were the streets I wandered what seemed like eons ago. Would I still feel love for the sparkling streets and bridges of the Bay Area? Would there still be charm in the sequoia groves? Would the people of my life B.J., before journey, still make space for me amidst the hustle and bustle of their life that has moved on so far past the point where we said goodbye? I'd lie if I said there wasn't a hint of trepidation.

It turns out, there is nothing like a long journey to distinguish which people are truly ours. They want to see you and be with you from the time that you land – the sooner – the better. And then there are the folks that aren't really ours, but we connect with them along the way to exchange some form of information. However, when that is done, they never make that space for us again. And they fall away naturally. The distinction between the two kinds is stark. And so it goes...

I was moved by how embraced my people made me feel. Genuinely cared for. “But somewhere in my youth...or childhood, I must have done something good,” - was the thought that kept occurring. You know the lose ends that we sometimes have – things unsaid, places not visited, big projects that seem too daunting to complete...but when you finally say, visit and complete them, you sigh with relief? All those things were brought to completion in this month, and it made breathing a bit more joyful. Nay, I actually felt proud of myself. I even managed to sell off my furniture from storage – because, really, it wouldn't fit into the plane.

And then there was a day of stillness - there was nothing left for me to do. I stood in the ringing clarity that I have completed the circle with California. This return felt inevitable. I have relieved the sweet nostalgia vividly...and the experiences no longer had traction with me. No entering the same river twice indeed...Time for another twist of the spiral.