Curveball + Silver Lining
Curveball + Silver Lining
On 2-26-2011 I stood in the Bangkok airport in shock and momentary
despair, as my plane for Russia left to the MotherLand without me. My
first missed flight ever. WHY?!?! WHY ME?!?!!!! I know it's all for
the better. I know it's all an illusion. But HOW is THIS good?!!! This
is what my panicking mind was telegraphing at warp-speed. I did not
realize just how badly I wanted to see my family until the "candy" was
taken away from me. I suppose, that is the basic human nature – "you
don't know what you've got 'till it's gone...." [as the popular song
puts it]. Fortunately, gone was only the plane.
In a day, though, an answer has come. While in Cambodia, a thoughtful
Japanese globe-trotter has shared with me a word of a silent 10 day
Vipassana retreat at Suan Mokkh Monastery [I didn't even know how to
spell that at the time] that actually allows one to do movement
meditation in addition to the ample sitting. Knowing my spine's
aversion to sitting for any extended period of time, I knew that if I
wanted to ever try a Vipassana experience, that would need to be the
context. My body needs to move. More than that, the retreat she
described was in a coconut grove amidst the lush Thai jungle and
sitting right on a hotspring. My body did a little jiggle dance at the
thought of that. I knew I had to go at some point.
So, as I got back to my hotel [that happened to still have room for me
– bless the Lub-D in Bangkrak, BKK] and washed off the sweat and tears
I've worked up gearing for the Russian climate amidst the Thai heat
and having my hopes dashed, I got on the internet and found out about
the retreat details of the Suan Mokkh Dhamma Hermitage International
Retreat Center.
[http://www.suanmokkh-idh.org/]
It turned out a retreat was held once a month, and one was starting
the very next day! Moreover, there was a train leaving [that's right!]
in 2 hours from the time I began my research heading for the Chaya
station and arriving at 3:30 A.M. – 30 minutes before the first
meditation! Synchronicity? Did I create this? Those rhetorical
questions.... Need I say I was right on that train, trying my luck,
even though the site said there is no electronic booking for the
retreat, and one HAD to show up in person ONE DAY before the retreat
[and I was showing up the day of the start – right before the first
meditation]?
They let me in, those kind souls! I sat amidst the gentle
cocconut-palm wind on a sandy floor of the meditation hall, surrounded
by candles and making friends with the local mosquitos while
meditating....right at 4A.M. on the dot. Magic, I call it, though, I'd
like to think there was some conscious creation to it somewhere along
the line. Monastic format indeed it was. I was a simple occupant of a
tiny monastic cell just big enough for a wooden bed with a straw mat
for a mattress and a Buddha pillow.....and happy as a clam to be there
in silence and hermitage, clearing out the remaining cobwebs of my
mind and slowing down its wheels in silence and inquiry.
The day would start with a 4AM bell wake-up followed by a meditation
and a 2 hour yoga session....then a "Dhamma Talk." We were to eat on a
monastic schedule – 2 meals a day - a breakfast and a lunch, and
nothing after 12 A.M. Though, to my surprise, my body was not hungry
at all and has quickly adjusted to the eating/sleeping ways. A couple
discoveries have arisen almost immediately – the first was that that
much sitting made my joints cry for yoga and stretching, giving me a
new look at this ancient art of a movement practice, making it vital
to my surviving the experience [though I have practiced it for over 14
years, I've never seen it as a survival art].
The second discovery was that of the origins of Suan Mokkh and the
nature of the "Dhamma Talks." I found out that the main Suan Mokkh
monastery as well as the Dhamma Internation Hermitage Center were a
successful attempt of one man, Buddhadasa Bikkhu ["Slave of the
Buddha" in Pali lingo], to bring the Thai Buddhism to the roots of the
teaching. As a young man, he was deeply saddened by the fundamental
absorption of Buddhism in his country by ritual and tradition and an
almost complete loss of the original Avatar's message: "Awakening +
Freedom from Suffering/Dukkha are possible in the Here and Now for
every person breathing, and it can be achieved through the breathing
or "anapanasati" meditation." So he went on to learn the language
Buddha spoke to the Thai people – Pali – and to translate many of his
disciples' writings into Thai language. He grasped the simple timeless
essence of the teaching and got that his contribution in this life was
to bring this teaching to the people of his country in the same
simple, unadulterated form as the Teacher brought it to the people
some 2500 years ago. And so he devoted his life to this mission. That
is how Suan Mokkh has come to be.
http://www.suanmokkh-idh.org/idh-wat.html
It has become a place where people came to study the "Law of Dhamma" –
the Natural Law of Dharma, in other words. A way to live in alignment
with the Greater Current of the illusion we all experienced as "the
world" while recognizing the fundamental "nothing-ness" [the Void]
underlying it all. He claimed, contrary to the thought of the majority
at the time, that Buddhism is not a philosphy, but much more of a
science of living in alignment with the Natural Law. He claimed that,
contrary to the popular belief, Buddhism does have a God, though
impersonal, unlike in many other religions: the Law of Dharma. He
interpreted Buddha's teaching as a way to free oneself from suffering
in the here and now by becoming fully present and accepting what is
and living in harmony with the Law of Dharma.
Thus I got my up-close-and-personal to the Pali roots of Buddhism
without expecting it at all. All that spaced with healthy doses of
sitting/walking anapanasati meditation and hot spring soaks [some of
them were discreet runs to the springs in the wee hours of the morning
with my candle lantern just to help me wake up!
"Vipassana" means literally "clear vision." That I didn't know either
before the retreat. Though, the irony of me being at a "Dhamma
Hermitage" with a retreat dedicated to obtaining "Clear Vision" was
not lost on me, given the intention of my Journey as meeting with my
Dhamma path in clarity. The flight was definitely well-missed. I saw
how "that was for the better" now. Funny how it all works. About day
8, when I've come to peace with my joint pains from sitting and got
just the right timing of showering myself with mosquito repellent,
during a morning yoga session I had a sudden, unexpected epiphany.
After 14 years of practicing the movement art, I've finally gotten the
breathing rhythm in sync with the body dance to where "all bodies"
[breath + physical 'skin suit'] were dancing together in an animistic
fashion of nature saluting the morning arising of the sun. The dogs,
cats, warriors and eagles were flying through my body as I breathed
and changed asanas....no 'shrooms needed in the experience ;O) And I
got the joy and access that yoga could give people viscerally – "in my
bones." It was a true moment of "clear vision." Now I knew why they
called the practice "Vipassana."
I wanted to meet with my Dharma path. And here I stood being witness
to the mystery of an ancient movement art blossoming in its essence
before me. I wanted to go to India at some point even before this
experience to spend a month in a Yoga retreat and learn the skill on a
professional level. However, I have NEVER though of teaching it to the
world. And something clicked in: I could still go to India to learn
the practice with rigour, but I could also help bring the yoga art
back to its roots – as a breathing spiritual practice that presences
people to their true timeless nature and prepairs their bodies for
meditation as well as unites them with nature. I could teach it as
what I saw it in that moment: A DANCE OF ALL BODIES – breath, skin
suit, nature, archetypes.....WOW. That vision made me grin and jump
mentally with joy. My heart skipped a beat – the way it tends to when
I recognize a piece of my elemental truth, when I see a stone of my
Dharma path.
I smiled in clarity, knowing that when my heart is clear on what I
want and I open fully, the "how" quickly works itself out. It always
does. The clarity is the hard part, and it felt I had it now – even if
it was not the full picture, I had some essential components of it.
Enough to take the next step. Sometimes it's like walking with a flash
light at night. I might not see a mile ahead. But I see enough to take
the next step. I felt, I could trust that the one after that would
become clear once I took the step before me.
What a yummy place! That moment when the pieces of the puzzle one has
been randomly collecting begin aligning themselves organically into a
comprehensible picture.....it's beyond words. It's magical. Remember
that moment in Carl Sagan's "Contact" film, when the genius Hayden
shows Dr. Aroway [Jodi Foster] the key to reading the 10 thousand
pages of the Vegan message – just read it in 3 D by projecting it onto
a cube! And all of a sudden the instructions made sense..... It's that
thing Steve Jobs talked about – the trust that the dots will connect
somewhere along the line.....it's simply about taking one step at a
time – the step that can be seen at any one time...and trusting,
trusting.... Sort of a surrendered action. Arrrgh, putting this in
words is like squeezing a cream puff through a tiny keyhole. The cream
leaks out.
And on day 10 [last day of the retreat] another piece of info has
dropped in. While doing my "Annica meditation" of sweeping the leaves
[does anything embody impermanence as vividly as that?], I've
mindfully walked into a low-hanging concrete wall with my forhead at
full-swing. My consciousness shifted in a blink of an eye, the blood
shunting to the core......like someone has pushed a grand reset
button. The neurosurgically aware part of me has wondered about a
concussion and began barraging me with all the symptoms to watch out
for and all the preventative measure to take. The immutable witness
part of me, though, was enjoying the experience, watching as my skin
suit was shifting around the impact and being at peace if I had to
leave it now. And the other part really felt like, perhaps, I should
take those preventative measures after all, since I did still have a
role to play around here, in this illusion. Hahaha.
So, lay down I did. And take lots of NSAIDs I did. And follow the
invitation of the compassionate nuns to stay at the main monastery for
a few days for recovery I did. They also took me to the doc who takes
care of all the monks/nuns there. He checked me out and declared that
the patient will live and that I did not have a concussion after all.
Just was a bit shaken up and there might have been a mild swelling [I
felt that part]. The funny part was that if it wouldn't be for that
fortunate meeting with the wall, I would not have even seen the main
monastery [as I didn't realize it even existed outside of the
retreat!], and would have headed for some coastal town. Instead, I've
spent some time in the thickest jungle of the banyan trees [the crazy
natural sculptures of liquid tree matter solidified.....all the folds
and swirls of root and branch, or else it's just some weird giraffes
having large group orgies....giraffe syncytium of sorts..... some of
them are the baobab size!!!!] and swing-like lianas....meditating
under the stars during the early-morning Pali chants of the
monks......sharing my humble abode with gekkos and elegant spiders.
Really....it was quite a place to recover from a brain shake-up.
Nature is the art of the monastery. Nature is its God. No Buddha
statues to worship. Just Dharma in its fullest organic expression.
SEE SOME BANYAN TREE MAGIC:
[http://www.google.ru/imglanding?q=banyan%20tree&imgurl=http://www.wayfaring.info/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/banyan-tree.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.wayfaring.info/2010/08/25/banyan-tree-park/&usg=__mNGciwDnNclqqoZSLzDKfemtCgE=&h=375&w=500&sz=213&hl=ru&sig2=ElqjVz5kP00J5vcYYaxpOw&zoom=1&tbnid=6n06Xm2fVrrqBM:&tbnh=98&tbnw=130&ei=3uWJTdngOIzKswaek42oDA&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dbanyan%2Btree%26hl%3Dru%26lr%3D%26newwindow%3D1%26sa%3DX%26tbm%3Disch&itbs=1&lr=&newwindow=1&sa=X&tbm=isch&start=0#tbnid=Pza7d45ocgR5LM&start=2]
All is well now. Maybe, it was just the Universe's way of having my
body integrate everything I've experienced at the retreat with the
Journey up to this point. Grand Reset button. I felt 10 Lbs
lighter....my mind did, anyways. That residue of "life experience"
does weigh surprisingly much, though, it is hardly noticeable as it
accumulates – sort of like boiling a frog by turning up the heat 1 C
at a time. It creeps up on you. Though, boy, is it clear when the
stuff is gone all at once just how much you had!
*"For as this appalling ocean surrounds the verdant land, so in the soul of
man there lies one insular Tahiti, full of peace and joy, but encompassed by
all the horrors of the half known life. "*
~ H. Melville
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